Have you had the experience of receiving an unconvincing “cool” after trying to tell others the funniest joke you have in the stockroom of your brain? Or, you got an “I see” after you’re sharing your extravagant ideas of hosting a bikini epic house parties? Or even worse, you got no response after you’re showing off your lavish lifestyle and high-paying jobs. You thought that you were interesting and people would want to know you more, laugh at your jokes and go to the parties you hold, but it turned out people only thinks that you’re a hopeless nerd who’s trying hard to be cool.
Those I mentioned above are just a few examples of the reality. Scroll down and learn the 7 reasons why you’re not interesting:
1. You’re Selfish
You love yourself. No, you’re so in love with yourself that you forget about others. You got a bunch of free beauty samples you can’t use up before expiration but you don’t want to give some spare ones to your friends. Your neighbor’s bathtub is broken and knocks your door to ask you lend them the restroom for showering but you pretend that you’re not at home because you dont want anyone to touch your bluetooth showerhead…
You don’t give because you’re afraid of losing; you don’t offer helps because you’re scared of getting into troubles. But when you open up yourself, give more, share more, others will consider you as a kind person. A kind person is usually more interesting than an unkind person I suppose? Then others will be willing to help you back. And who knows? Maybe you will receive something nice back, such as a compliment from others saying you’re … interesting?
2. You Don’t Trust Others
You have trust issues. When people ask you about little details in your life such as your job, your family, your hobbies and your opinions about certain stuff, you respond in a way that seems like you’re hiding things about yourself. I’m not telling you to people every little piece of your life, but when you’re hiding too much, it’s harder to open up more conversations or break the ice if it’s the first time you meet a person.
When your discussion topics are limited to boring factual topics like weather, food, car or sports without injecting any personal insights or past experiences, less interesting conversations will follow and you will be offering from dead air (a.k.a. moments without anyone talking while standing still). Be transparent and open to tell others about your thoughts, which stimulates others to think, which again stimulates you to think, which makes you more talkative and more interesting.
3. You’re Not Curious
This is what I think the most important reason why you’re not interesting. You don’t want to learn, you don’t want to dig deeper into knowing something new and exciting. You only say “really?” and walk away when your fashion addict friend told you that Karl Lagerfeld is a German instead of a French originally, or your friend who works at a zoo tells you that horses actually stand when they’re sleeping.
Ask more questions, find out the reasons between those (interesting) facts and (interesting) stories that you’re told, unveil the rationales, discover the theories and explore the deepest understanding of the things that interest others. When you ask questions to show that you’re willing to learn, it also means to others that you’re embracing their sharing of their ideas and stories. This tells people that you also find what interests them interesting, and so it makes you interesting as well.
Stupidity is laziness. It’s someone who just lives and says “I live, I’m fine”, and he doesn’t wake up in the morning thinking “I don’t know enough, I don’t see enough, I don’t do enough”. (Full quotes in French here)
– Jacques Brel, French/Belgian Singer-songwriter
Although he’s talking about stupidity and I don’t mean that being not interesting is being stupid, but stupidity is definitely not interesting.
4. You Live in Your Own World
If you’re complaining that you don’t have many friends to spend your weekend with while all you do is to stay at home all time and watch tear-provoking Korean TV dramas or Ninja Warrior. You never initiate to invite your friends out, you never go to the beach and enjoy the sun, you never do anything outside. You “wow” at the TV shows’ stupid plots, kiss your kitten good night and sleep. You live in a bubble, a virtual place where you see the outside world from the transparent wall of the bubble but you only resonance with your voice, not with others. Just go out and do something, say something (to anyone other than yourself), anything.
5. You Don’t Listen
When you talk, you’re always about “me, me, me”. You ‘re so crazy about yourself that you never listen to others’ sharing their life or expressing their opinions. Your friend told you that they’re celebrating their birthday next week and you responded with your own birthday (which happens in half a year) party plan; your best-friend-forever gives you advice on how to recover from your recent breakup but you says “I know”. If you don’t listen, how do you know?
Not only lack of listening makes you appear impolite, but also it shows that you’re not interested in know what people think, thus you’re losing the chance of learning new things and following others’ useful suggestions that lead you becoming more social, more knowledgeable and more interesting. Now please listen:
Listen to many, speak to a few.
– William Shakespeare, English Poet
6. You’re Predictable
You wake up, go to work, get a take-away dinner at the Indian restaurant near your home, take shower, watch YouTube until midnight then go to sleep. Your life is a repetition of your daily routine that never changes. You never do anything else other than what you usually do. When your friends call you at 8pm to get a drink and you always give the answer of “I’m browsing Facebook”, after one, more or three times of giving the same response, people will not ask you “what’s your plan” because they can tell exactly what your plan is tonight, which is being not interesting.
Staying predictable not only makes you less interesting, but also leads to the falling of many relationships as men are averse to predictable women (and vice versa). Do something else, something that you haven’t done for a long time or you haven’t done at all. What’s even better is to ask others to join you, have fun and laugh together.
Once you become predictable, no one’s interested anymore.
– Chet Atkins, American Musician
7. You Talk More than You Act
This one is tricky. You got unpredictable plans, you ask questions and initiate conversations and you like exploring deeper understanding of everything. It leads to you having plenty of ideas and new plans, all fun and interesting. But wait, you cannot be interesting until you turn those ideas into reality, instead of merely talking to others about how cool your ideas are. If you tell people you’re going to have six packs in 3 months, you better go to the gym every day. If you tell people that you’re going to master a foreign language in 1 year, you better go get some course, hire a teacher or just do something for that.
Do you think the Winklevoss brothers deserve the $65 million from Facebook for their ideas of building a Harvard student network without implementing it? No. It’s their classmate, Mark Zuckerberg, the one who turned the same idea into a billion-dollar business by his hard work. Winklevoss brothers just talked, Zuckerberg executed the ideas. So who’s more interesting?
We’re All Stuck Once in a While
Of course, there are moments you feel uncomfortable because of bad moods, bad weather or bad companies, but there are always something you can do, you can initiate and you can explore to make yourself more interesting and less boring. The key is to have the curiosity to learn something new and exciting. The world is changing fast, people come and go and walk away. Not only you should be curious, but also you should continue to be more and more curious, every day, every moment. It’s not easy, it’s tough, but the process of doing is rewarding and interesting.
You may read more on how to be more interesting from the following articles:
- How to Be More Interesting (In 10 Simple Steps)
- How to Be Interesting
- 7 Ways to Become a More Interesting Person
You deserve to be more interesting. Just do something to achieve this goal.